Sometimes I sit quietly and start replaying the story of my life, the choices I’ve made, the things I should have done, and the opportunities I missed. I think about the work I shouldn’t have taken, the better schools I could have attended, and all the mistakes I wish I could undo. I find myself regretting upon regretting, convincing myself that where I am now isn’t where I’m supposed to be. It’s a heavy feeling, one that makes me realize how hard breaking free from self-regret can truly be, especially when you keep looking backward instead of appreciating the life right in front of you.
But lately, I’ve started to see things differently. I’m beginning to understand that what truly matters is the life I have now, this moment, this breath, this chance to start again.
I can’t change what has already happened, but I have full control over what I do with today. If I plan my present wisely, I can build the kind of future I dream about.
And above all, I’ve learned to be grateful, because many people didn’t get the chance to make it this far. Some people who I am older than are no longer here, yet I’m still standing. That alone is proof that God has kept me for a reason, and that gives me hope that very soon, all will be well.
This is where breaking free from self-regret begins, not by erasing the past, but by learning to honour the present and believe again in the future that’s still unfolding.
Why We Struggle to Let Go
Letting go sounds easy until you try to do it. We tell ourselves we’ve moved on, but one small memory, one song, one quiet night can take us right back to what we thought we’d buried. That’s the tricky thing about self-regret. It hides in the corners of our everyday life.
You can be doing something as simple as scrolling through social media and suddenly feel a sting of comparison. You see someone who seems “ahead” of you, maybe doing what you once dreamed of, and your mind whispers, “That could have been you.” Or you wake up one morning and start thinking about a job you should have taken, a relationship you should have protected, or a mistake that cost you time. Without realizing it, your day starts with a quiet sense of disappointment in yourself.
The truth is, we struggle to let go because regret gives us the illusion of control. Our minds believe that if we keep replaying the past, we might somehow change it, or at least understand it better. But in reality, we’re just holding ourselves hostage. We keep returning to what hurt us instead of using that energy to heal and grow.
Everyday life is full of reminders: a friend’s success, a missed opportunity, an old photo, or even a school get-together. And while it’s natural to feel a bit of sadness, constantly revisiting the past prevents us from seeing the beauty in our present.
Breaking free from self-regret starts with recognizing these small moments, catching yourself when your thoughts drift backward and gently bringing your focus back to now. Because no matter how many times you look back, the past won’t change. But your future still can.
The Hidden Cost of Holding On
There was a time I thought regret was just a feeling, something that came and went when I remembered certain parts of my life. But I’ve come to realize it’s much heavier than that. Regret is like carrying a backpack filled with stones; you might not feel the weight at first, but the longer you hold it, the more it slows you down.
I remember one morning, I woke up already tired, not from work or stress, but from my last night thoughts. I was replaying the same old scenes again: the wrong choices, the missed opportunities, the “if only I had.” I carried that heaviness into my day without even noticing.
My food didn’t taste good, music didn’t sound the same, and even when someone complimented me, I brushed it off. I didn’t even want to socialise with anyone.
That’s when I realized how much my regret had started stealing little moments of joy from me.
When you keep holding on to the past, you start living only halfway. You’re physically present, but your heart is still stuck somewhere years ago, wishing things had gone differently.
You might be sitting with friends, but your mind is in a memory you can’t change. You might even stop celebrating your small wins because part of you believes you don’t deserve happiness after all the mistakes you’ve made.
That’s the hidden cost of holding on, it silently drains your energy, your peace, and your ability to see yourself with kindness.
But the truth is, breaking free from self-regret doesn’t mean pretending those things never happened. It means accepting that they did, and choosing to stop punishing yourself for them. It means saying, “Yes, I made mistakes, but I’m still growing, still trying, still becoming.”
Because when you finally let go of what’s behind you, you free your hands to build what’s ahead.
Breaking Free from Self-Regret
For a long time, I thought the only way to move forward was to somehow “fix” my past. To make sense of every wrong decision and prove to myself that I could do better.
But the more I tried to fix the past, the more I realized I was still living in it. I wasn’t moving forward; I was just decorating the same cage that kept me trapped.
There came a point when I got tired, not physically, but mentally and spiritually. I remember one night, I sat quietly thinking about my life again, and something inside me just whispered, “Enough.” I realized I had spent so much time mourning what was gone that I wasn’t seeing what was still here, my life, my health, my faith, my hope. That was the turning point for me.
Breaking free from self-regret didn’t happen overnight. It started with small choices, choosing gratitude when I felt like complaining, choosing to pray instead of overthink, choosing to forgive myself even when I didn’t feel like I deserved it. It was about reminding myself daily that God doesn’t define me by my mistakes, so why should I?
I began to do little things differently. I stopped comparing my progress to others. I started journaling about what I was thankful for each morning, (very important) even simple things like breath, food, or peace of mind. I began spending time with people who encouraged growth instead of guilt.
And slowly, the weight began to lift. I started seeing that the same life I once regretted was still a gift, a story still being written.
The truth is, breaking free from self-regret is a process of grace. It’s not about erasing your history; it’s about learning to walk with it differently.
You stop seeing your past as a punishment and start seeing it as preparation, proof that you’ve survived things that once tried to break you.
Every day now, I remind myself: I may not be where I thought I’d be, but I’m exactly where I need to be to begin again.
Steps Toward Healing and Acceptance
Healing doesn’t begin the day you stop regretting; it begins the day you stop fighting yourself. For me, healing came in quiet moments , not in some big breakthrough, but through small, intentional choices that slowly began to change how I saw myself and my life.
Here are some of the steps that helped me start breaking free from self-regret and move toward peace and acceptance:
1. I Faced My Regret Honestly
For a long time, I tried to distract myself from my feelings, staying busy, scrolling, pretending everything was fine. But one day, I sat down and admitted to myself, “Yes, I’m hurting.” That honesty didn’t make me weak; it made me free. Healing starts when you stop hiding from the truth and allow yourself to feel it without judgment.
2. I Learned to Forgive Myself
Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean the mistake was okay; it means you refuse to keep punishing yourself for it. I had to learn to say, “I did what I knew with what I had at that time.” That simple statement helped me stop reliving old pain. I began to understand that God’s grace didn’t run out just because I failed.
3. I Practiced Gratitude Every Day
Gratitude became my medicine. Instead of focusing on what I lost, I started noticing what I still had ,my breath, my family, my health, another day to try again.
Writing down three things I was thankful for each morning helped me shift my attention from regret to appreciation. It’s hard for regret to grow in a grateful heart.
4. I Stopped Letting People’s Words Control My Peace
This one was tough for me. I used to take every negative comment personally, when someone doubted me, criticized my progress, or reminded me of my past, I carried it like it was the truth.
But eventually, I learned to filter what I allow into my mind. I realized not every opinion deserves a seat in my heart. I stopped letting the negative talks people say to me get to me. That choice gave me freedom, the kind that lets you breathe again.
5. I Focused on What I Could Control
The past is fixed, but the present is flexible. I learned to stop obsessing over what I couldn’t change and started investing in what I could.
My habits, my mindset, my spiritual growth, my goals. Each small decision began shaping a new version of me.
Over time, I realized that acceptance isn’t about giving up; it’s about making peace with what was so you can focus on what can be. It’s choosing to walk with peace, not punishment, to believe that even broken pieces can still form something beautiful.
And that’s what healing truly feels like; calm, patient, and real.
Choosing Peace Over Punishment
For a long time, I thought I had to keep reminding myself of my mistakes so I wouldn’t repeat them.
I believed that staying hard on myself somehow meant I was being responsible or “learning my lesson.” But the truth is, constantly punishing yourself doesn’t make you wiser, it just makes you tired.
Peace came the moment I stopped treating myself like an enemy. I realized that God wasn’t holding my past over my head, so why was I?
Every time I replayed old memories, I was choosing pain over peace, and it was draining the life out of me.
So, I made a quiet promise to myself: no more self-blame. No more replaying the same “what ifs.” I began replacing harsh thoughts with gentle truths.
Whenever regret tried to creep in, I’d remind myself, “You’re still here. You’re still growing. You’re still worthy of peace.”
Now, I’ve learned that choosing peace isn’t about pretending everything’s fine. It’s about accepting that things weren’t perfect, but believing they can still become beautiful. It’s waking up each morning and deciding that yesterday’s pain won’t decide today’s joy.
That’s the real heart of breaking free from self-regret. Realizing that healing begins when you stop running from yourself and start walking beside yourself with love.
I’m still learning, still becoming, but one thing is sure: peace feels lighter than punishment. And today, I choose peace.
I urge you to choose peace too.
You might also want to read our blog on “compete only with yourself”
